Dear 2024,

I've been holding onto the thought of writing to you for a while,

unsure where to begin.

But now, as your time fades into something I can only look back on,

it feels necessary to gather the details of what we've shared and let them spill,

like a quiet farewell.

Right off the bat, you taught me how to let go of everything too heavy to hold onto, everything that weighed me down more than it lifted me.

You made me hold onto things that felt natural instead.

Effortless.

But it wasn't this simple.

This journey was a constant struggle,

The battle with external factors consisted of failing to connect with the world around me and seeking validation from people who probably didn't even think of me.

While the battle raging within dealt with some of the following questions:

"Am I doing enough?"

"Am I doing too much?"

"How much is enough?"

To be honest,

I still don't know a lot of answers.

I have not somehow risen above all of these battles.

But I do think I've come closer to winning them.

You made me take a few steps towards winning them.

You made me trust myself more - enough to hush the constant doubt and let myself breathe.

You always kept the answers to what I needed to do close to me, yet they felt out of reach.

Why?

I guess I questioned my ability to navigate through the dark spots of life a little too extensively,

looking for the light of wisdom in places that seemed bright,

brighter than me.

And in doing so, I become my worst enemy.

Then you taught me about love.

God, you seriously threw me into that one.

It's a subject we all think we understand, only to realise that there is always more to learn.

Sometimes, I felt like an empty cup, only to be filled with love again and again in the most unexpected ways -

from friends to strangers,

from strangers to ride-or-dies,

from the softest of hugs to the most crushing goodbyes.

But the biggest surprise?

Lied in the fact that I love deeply.

I care deeply in my crazy, messy way.

I've always felt deeply.

You didn't make me discover that.

You made me see.

You made me see how much weight it all carried.

So here's what I'll carry with me from you:

• The quiet surrender to release what keeps me stuck,

• The silent rebellion to count on my gut,

• The tenderness to love myself the way I've loved others so much.

Goodbye, 2024, with all your lessons and what you've taught me to trust.

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