She was rightly born on Valentine's Day because she was the most loving person I've ever known.
But calling her loving is an understatement.
She had a way of making you feel like you were the centre of her world.
You could get lost in the warmth of her eyes.
She was the kind of friend I didn't think I'd ever get.
After so many heartaches and betrayals, I had given up on finding someone who would stay.
I had built a shell around myself that I felt was impossible to break.
But with her, it felt different.
It was like we were to cross paths.
It was like we had always known each other, maybe even in some other life.
It felt like she was sent from above to help me out of my shell again.
I don't know if you've ever felt that kind of connection with someone.
The kind that makes you feel like you've known them forever, even if you've only known them for a little while.
If you haven't, you might not understand the connection I had with her because that was her.
I thought I would have her in my life forever.
Every year on her birthday, she'd buy white roses - not for herself, but for everyone around her.
She said our smiles were the most wonderful gift to her.
I used to wonder if she was real.
How could anyone be that selfless?
How could someone be so pure?
I envied that about her.
She had everything - beauty, brains, kindness.
She was always full of life.
I don't think it was humanly possible for anyone to hate her.
But then she did something I never saw coming.
She left.
Yes, just like that.
She left when I needed her the most.
When I was struggling, I was begging her not to go.
And even now, I can't make sense of it.
How could someone who seemed so full of love, light and everything right leave me the way she did?
Looking back now, it feels like she was always hiding something.
Like every smile, every act of kindness was a mask for all the pain she was carrying.
Maybe I was too blind, too selfish to see it then.
I was probably too wrapped up in the warmth of her presence to realise the storm she was fighting.
No matter how ready you think you are for life, things like these still manage to rattle you to the core.
You can never be too ready for a misfortune.
Some days,
I'm okay.
I can smile when I remember the good times we shared, and for a little while, it feels like things are back to normal.
But then, some days, the memories come crashing in, and I can't stop the tears because not only do I miss her, but I also can't understand why she left.
We used to talk about our futures and how our kids would grow up to be the best of friends.
We even joked about marrying them to each other one day.
And now?
Those dreams feel like another piece of the goodbye she never clearly said.
Or another piece of goodbye I was too blind to figure out for myself.
Every Valentine's Day, I think of her to feel my chest caving in.
I buy a rose for myself now - though not white ones, because no one but she could give me white roses - and watch it wilt, just as everything between us did.
She was so much like the roses she used to buy - beautiful, full of life, and short-lived.
Sometimes we only see good in everyone, and ignore their flaws just because all we want is them to stay with us forever but in reality forever is bullshit, this is a peice of pain that you experienced and we all can relate to it we all are on the same page. From the urge to ask them why they abandoned us when we needed them the most to remembering them on their special day, we all became a little wiser